iLeave Seattle
by Sherlockianoh
Summary: Freddie's move changes everything in the balanced iCarly world. Sam misses the nub far more than she thinks, and Freddie can't stop thinking about a certain blonde-headed demon. Multi-chapter Seddie.
1. iMove

**A/N **

**Hey guys! This is my first time writing fanfiction. It's a Seddie and it'll be a multi-chapter. Please, please, please, please review and tell me what you think! PLEASE tell me what's horrible about it and what I should improve. I don't care if you flame it as long as you say something to make my writing better.** ** Thanks! Enjoy and review! (And story alert!)**

**Disclaimer: If I owned iCarly, the Seddie arc would be 26 episodes instead of 5. But it's not and it'll probably all end in iLove You. (Sob)**

iTell Sam and Carly

Freddie's POV

I walked into the Shays' house hesitantly, holding my breath at the smell of Carly's special lemonade. The large loft was surprisingly tidy-Spencer had just taken all his sculptures to an art show, and the apartment was much emptier without them.

"Heya, Freddork!" Sam yelled cheerfully. She picked up a pillow from the couch, shifting slightly so she could still lie on it comfortably.

"Hi S-" The pillow she threw suddenly hit me in the eye and I staggered back. "I didn't think it was possible to make a pillow hurt that much," I said passively. I've gotten used to Sam's constant abuse over the years.

"Do you want to play who can make the nub yell louder?"

"I'm the only so-called nub here, Sam."

"I know! You pinch yourself, then I pinch you and we see what hurts more!"

"As…great as that sounds, I need to talk to you and Carly. It's important."

"What? A new line of Galaxy Wars underwear came out?"

Sam smiled innocently and started to chew furiously on a bag of fish-shaped food. It came in various shades of green.

"What _is_ that?" I asked disbelievingly.

"Oh, it was supposed to be for Frothy but I got hungry."

Carly came downstairs, interrupting the banter. Her white wedding gown dragged on the steps.

"Guys, hurry up! We're supposed to be practicing my marriage to a pumpkin now for the next show, remember?" She stared pointedly at the reclining Sam.

"Eh, I can be lazy for a bit more. Fredwierd says he needs to tell us something."

"Er… Carly, you may want to sit down."

Her confusion was plain as she sat slowly next to Sam, taking care not to ruin the dress. "What is it?"

"See, my mom read an article a few weeks ago about how Seattle has a higher crime rate than Vancouver. Ever since then she's been yelling at everyone she passes that they're going to die. Eventually she told me that she's renting a house in Vancouver, Washington. We're moving there soon."

"WHAT?" Carly screeched. "This isn't some prank Sam set up? How far away is Vancouver? Can you still come here after school? Are you even going to our school anymore? Will you still do iCarly? I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" Her voice steadily got higher.

I stammered as I tried to answer. "Question one-it's not a prank. Question two-it's 164 miles away. Question three-I can't come here after school. Question four-"

"Oh, shut up!" Sam yelled and stood up suddenly. The cat food on her lap flew and ricocheted off the TV. "She doesn't really care about the miles, you nub! She's trying to say she'll miss you!"

"I can still see you guys. Just not as often, and I'm going to a different school. Sam, you won't have to worry about seeing this nubby face you hate all day." My shabby attempt at humor was lost on Carly and Sam.

The blonde went over and punched me on the arm. "I got bored of hating you and your face a long time ago!" She didn't notice the utter shock on my face. Sure, I knew we'd gotten much closer and not quite as despising over the past few months. But I never thought she'd admit it, least of all to me.

"It's taken four years for us to have a conversation without you getting scarred for life and now you're moving?" Sam's furious voice snapped me out of my reverie. "It's so selfish! And Crazy's worse!"

"I know my mom is freaky but stop calling her Crazy! It's not like your mom is perfect! And how am I being selfish?" I matched her tone loudly.

"It's so selfish that in the middle of the school year, you decided to just pack your bags and go to Van-whatever it is!"

"It's not my fault! And it's called Vancouver. How many years of school did you zone out of?"

"I'm intelligent, I just don't like to stick it up people's faces like _some _people I know!"

"Just because I get good grades doesn't mean I'm a showoff!"

"Quit it, you two! See, you made me use Q. I hate that letter. Now stop fighting!" Carly cut in.

We both stared at the ground a bit awkwardly. We hadn't yelled at each other like that for a while.

"Wait, so when are you moving?" Sam said abruptly.

"A week. My mom's doing it quickly because she's found a house with three showers."

Carly looked at me quizzically. "It's a two-person family."

"One's for ticks, one's for ear wax removal and one is for a bunch of dolls from when I was two. She _still_ refuses to throw them away." My face scrunched up at the image of the twenty worn teddy bears piled in the shower, getting sprayed by my mother.

"Wait, so what about iCarly?"

"Well… I was thinking we could make it once every two weeks. Vancouver is three hours away and my mom doesn't let me take trains, she says it's dangerous. And she's only willing to drive me here twice a month."

"Not possible, I'd be bored without iCarly. It needs to be once a week. Brad can replace you," Sam said, quieter than usual.

I staggered a bit at the last few words. "Thanks, Sam." The flat tone in my voice was far more obvious than I wanted. "Well, have fun with Brad and his fudge. I'm going to pack, you're probably too lazy to help. Carly?"

She hesitated and glanced at Sam. Sam was staring at the ground, jaws clenched. "I think it'd be better if I stayed with her."

"Why? She doesn't seem upset." I was surprised to find my hands curled into fists. "Well, see you soon."

I left the pair and entered my soon-to-be former home. The next few hours passed in a blur and my mom kept asking why I kept ripping my clothes while while trying to fold them.

Carly's reaction was expected-she'd rejected me a lot, of course, but we were friends. Sam's was admittedly painful. She called me selfish for a minute then decided it was all good, and Brad would do instead. As for the lack of utter hatred on her part-well, it was likely because she was too lazy to bother with fully hating me. Nothing personal.

_Oh, shut up. Angsty, hormonal nubs are even worse than dorky nubs. Get a spine!  
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Shut up, Sam-voices in my head.


	2. iSam's Anger Issues

**Third person POV-Freddie's not here. **

"Well… Freddie can visit once every two weeks. It could be much worse. Imagine seeing him once twice a year, or only on Thanksgivings. Spencer would probably light the turkey on fire. Freddie's whole trip would be spent in the fire department, hearing whether our apartment's ruined or not," Carly mused. She was eating a leftovers dinner with Sam, who'd invited herself over for a few days. The apartment had returned to its usual messy state, with Sam's snack wrappers piled all over. Spencer's sculptures had returned from the art show. A smell of somewhat stale Chinese food filled the air.

"S-so what… this is worse than when I had to work!" Sam looked close to tears. "Gibby's horrible as a replacement nub! He almost doesn't yell back even when I give him wedgies and whenever I'm about to pull off a really good prank, he t-takes his shirt off! He's useless! I miss Freddie!" She kicked Spencer's robot, glaring at its red eyes.

Carly turned her face away to conceal a grin. "He's coming over soon, I promise."

Sam glared at her friend. "It's not soon enough. And anyways, you don't like computers or all that weird nerdy stuff. Who's gonna make the iCarly screen go 18% faster? Who's gonna let me take out all my anger without calling the cops? And he's not as naïve as you! Freddie was the one who at least considered that Missy was evil. Remember, your so-called best friend who sent me to a piñata factory? You thought she just loved colorful Mexican stuff."

"Sam? You should know something about Missy and Freddie. It was a while ago, but-"

"Don't tell me. They dated secretly for a few days until Missy got the Student at Sea cruise?" Sam snorted, then realized what she'd said and frowned. "Did they?" This time her tone was far less amused.

"Wha-no! He realized that you were right and gave her the award so she'd stop ruining our friendship. Don't mention it to him, he asked me not to tell."

Sam's eyes widened. She pushed her chair back and ran upstairs, grabbing a strip of bacon on the way. Carly shrugged and padded up after her, the bunny slippers muffling the sound of the steps.

"Sam! What are you doing to my sculpture?" Spencer's voice echoed through the loft. He was upstairs working on a colorful mannequin he'd found in the dump. Carly ran the rest of the way, and came just in time to see Sam pick up a large bucket of dark red paint. "Sam, don't throw the bucket. She's supposed to be a colorful splatterpaint of a woman, not a bloodlike-oh, come on!"

Sam surveyed the now-darker work she'd created and smiled mirthlessly. "Perfect. Just one thing." She dipped her finger in black paint and put it in for the eyes. They looked like black spirals.

"Sam, relax." Carly's voice was soothing as she walked over to the red-and-black mannequin. "That whole thing with Missy and Freddie was so long ago. And come on, you already knew that you were somewhat friends. So don't take your anger out on Spencer's stuff. Wait- stop eating the bacon! Your fingers are covered in paint!"

"Fine, fine." Sam sighed and began to head back down. "Carls, let's just watch Girly Cow. I'm too tired for these annoying girl talks."

Spencer looked at Sam. "Well, her painting was _not_ happy. What happened to her?"

Carly checked Sam couldn't hear, and whispered back. "She's been kind of obnoxious over the past few days. I think she's really upset about Freddie."

"Wait, doesn't she hate him?"

"Use your brain! They fight each other for entertainment!" Carly snapped and instantly regretted it. Spencer pouted and mumbled dejectedly, "I'm going to go work on my sad red lady friend."

Carly sighed. "Spencer, your lady from the dump looked very unique before Sam…recolored it. And you have a very large brain."

He brightened instantly. "Very large." He ambled over to the statue, whistling. Carly headed downstairs to see Sam lying on the couch, fast asleep. Carly tiptoed to the closet and grabbed a blanket, then tossed it over Sam. It covered most of her except for her hand. Carly padded over, suddenly noticing Sam's tight grip on something. Her hands were clenched around a pencil and a strip of paper was peeking out from under her pillow. Carly tugged it out gently, and looked at a well-rendered drawing of Freddie. The way Sam shaded the picture made him look like he was glowing. His brown eyes were emphasized, and he had a huge grin on his face. Right behind him was a girl with Xs for eyes and a thin line for a mouth.

Carly's eyebrows arched as she looked at the sketch, then back at Sam. Sam's face was open and serene, so different from the infuriated one from before. Carly looked at her and wondered for a few minutes, then laid the drawing down slowly on the carpet and left the room.

Sam's Dream:

Ham…Freddie…Freddie and ham…wedding…frothy?...fields of bacon strips…black-and-white Freddie under my pillow…freddie's a piece of bacon… black-and-white Freddie's on the floor…WHAT'S FREDDIE DOING ON THE FLOOR…guess I pushed him…I push Freddie a lot...

**A/N:**

**Thank you so much for the reviews! Thanks a lot to Savysocool, alex-02, DN Angel and Cardcaptor Sakura, LyshaluvsSeddie, Tomboy22, and Julefor. And to everyone who added to the story alert and similar things. You guys made my day over and over again (: **

**To Julefor-I wish I'll end up completely off on what I think will happen in iLove You! Seddie all the way. Thanks for the review!  
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**Please review! And PLEASE give constructive criticism especially if you have nothing good to say about the story. Thanks!**


	3. iHave A Wacko School

**A/N: I had to make Brad a little different from in the show. This is a bit before iOMG, so he hasn't been introduced on the webshow chapter is longer, I hope you like it!  
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**To Julefor-I hope the Gibby/Brad bit in the story clears that up! Thanks for telling me!**

"So you'll do it?" Carly faced the dirty-blond haired teen. She leaned on the half-car in the iCarly studio along with Sam, with Brad lying on the front. Each held a bag of extra greasy French fries Sam had brought in. "Sure! So I just be the technical producer every other week?"

"Yup! You hold the camera and create all of the special affects," Carly explained, sounding chipper.

"It might take time away from your precious little nerd club," Sam said sarcastically. Brad's face clouded a bit. "I can make it up later, I think," he said slowly.

"Ah, forget it. It's nowhere near as fun annoying you as it is Freddie."

"We're starting soon! Sam, get up." Carly said exasperatedly.

"What, now? But I haven't started writing anything!" Brad exclaimed.

"Er…you're not supposed to write. You just move the camera."

"But I have some really great ideas…"

"This is iCarly, not iBrad," Sam blurted. She walked over slowly and stood next to Carly.

"Brad, please go behind the camera and start the countdown," Carly said, finger-combing her hair for the show.

"Will do! In 5-4-3-2-1!"

"You're not supposed to say the 1!" Sam and Carly snapped simultaneously.

"We're live!" He yelled.

"You can't say that out loud!" This time it was only Carly.

They both realized the show had started and faced the camera.

"I'm Carly!"

"And I'm Sam!"

"And this is iCarly!"

"The only webshow where your part-time tech producer looks like a manlier version of Justin Beiber!"

"Please welcome…Brad!" Brad turned the camera to him. "Hi iCarly people! I was thinking we could do a ton of great things with the show, like- "

"Brad, tell us something about yourself," Carly interrupted.

"I like making fudge. And I-"

"That's all the time we have for you, Brad!" Sam cut in. "Brad will be our technical producer every other week." She pressed the Woo button on the remote. "Our other tech producer had to move away to Vancouver for crazy reasons because of his crazy mom. Please have a moment of silence for Freddie." She pressed the Aww on her machine.

"But he'll be here every other week to party with us! In memory of Freddie: Random Dancing!"

The disco lights came on and the pair started to dance. Suddenly, the typical iCarly lighting came back.

"Um…what's going on?" Sam glared at Brad. "What happened to the lights?"

"Oh, I don't think that bit's too good. You should do something else."

"We decide what we do on the show!"

"Well, I just think it would be better if you had something like…Random Math Problems! That'd be pretty good."

Carly forced a chuckle. "While I sort this out, please enjoy the picture of a two-year-old viciously attacking her dad." She motioned frantically for Brad to put the image up.

"That's not funny at all! We should post a picture of the new Pearpad model."

"All the iCarly fans want to see the two year old! Just put it up already!" Sam shouted.

"Fine." He quickly clicked on the picture. "But for next time, we need to change a lot of the show. Today's was pretty bad."

Sam advanced on him. "There's no 'we"! It's me, Carly, and Freddie! You're just an almost-intern who's filling in for the dorkster! Quit butting in!"

"We're in the middle of a show!" Carly's voice could've broken glass. "Save this for later! At least when Freddie and Sam fought on the show it was entertaining! This is just annoying to listen to!" She sighed. "Let's just wrap this up quickly, okay? Brad-no comments!"

"Fine," Sam muttered. Brad still didn't talk as he took the two-year-old picture off.

"Now we're back!" Carly plastered a smile back on. "Let's all hope the dad survives the attack of the toddler. But that's it for this iCarly."

Sam pressed the Aww button. "We'll see you here next week! With FREDDIE!" She spit out.

"Bye!"

"Caio!"

Brad looked at Carly and Sam, both seething at him. "I just thought I had good ideas."

"Yeah, well, don't shove them down on throats! You can tell us _after _the show next time and we'll consider it!" Carly looked furious.

"Well, you'll have to take at least take some of my ideas. Otherwise you'd be stuck with Gibby as your techie. And he barely knows what the Internet is."

"We know Gibby's bad with that stuff! But he's a decent kid," Carly said. She sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

** "**I don't give a ham to whether Gibby's a good techie or not. I just like hurting him." Sam stopped to think for a moment. "Guess I'll hurt him more now that Freddie's gone, but it isn't anywhere near as satisfying. It's a lot more fun to put Freddie in pain."

"We're not talking about Gibby," Carly said impatiently.

"That's true." Sam commented. "So, Brad, unless you can be a good tech producer twice a month, _without_ talking, you can go CHIZZ OFF!"

**Now back to Freddie. First person POV**

I'd settled in quickly at the new apartment. It was right across the street of my new school, but my mom had walked with me up until the front gates because she was worried I'd get lost.

I looked across the gray expanse of the school. There were gray buildings, gray signs and even somewhat grayish grass. The large (gray) billboard showed it was the Ernest M. Smith School for Proper Youth. I went in a set of large, medieval front doors.

A sign saying, The principal's Office was right next to the entrance, behind a large set of prison bars that made it impossible to enter without keys. The school looked completely deserted.

I walked up and knocked on the bars; it didn't make much noise, but the door opened. "Please hang on, I'll unlock everything," a polite female voice promised.

She came over with two sets of keys and unlocked four keyholes in swift succession.

"Are you the principal?"

"Of course not! The principal is right in there." She gestured inside. I went in the office cautiously and sat on a rigid, cushionless chair facing an uncluttered desk.

"No sitting until the teacher comes in," said a voice from behind me, enunciating every syllable. I stood up confusedly. A man came around and sat down on the chair in front. He was bald, with a salt-and-pepper beard that didn't have a hair out of place. He was dressed in an all black, military-style outfit, perfectly groomed.

"You may sit down now," he said coolly.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Fredward Benson. I'm good with technology and I-"

"This is a meeting, not a Girl Scout introduction. I am Mr. Wyldon and that's all you need to know. Let me make a few things clear. We do not tolerate those ridiculous things that you did on the webshow of yours, what was it?" He waved his hand.

"iCarly."

"Yes, that. And naming it after a girl. Really insensible thinking. At this school, we do not play around with computers. You are here to receive a good education and to become disciplined and strengthened. We have five hours a week of Physical Education. If you skip, or can't keep up with the class, you'll flunk. Understood?"

"What? Aren't PE grades based on how well you try in class?"

"You do not interrupt the teacher while he's talking." His gray eyes steeled. "As for your question, it's not based on how much you tried. Whoever said that was a failure at his classes. We do not accept failures. A bit about the school. This used to be an all-boys academy until a group of weak females cooked up a storm and demanded that girls be let in. They arrived only recently, on a probation period. If they survive the year, they will be allowed to remain. I think it's a terrible idea-they're all spineless things, always fainting. I fully intend to make them fail at the end of this year."

My thoughts drifted to Sam, and what she would do at the end of this bigoted man's tirade. Probably kick him in the face (or somewhere else) and stroll out after picking the locks. He smiled inwardly.

"Don't you think that's unfair? There are plenty of girls who can keep up with males. And one of my best friends has been beating up the boys at our school for ages."

"You do not disagree with the teacher's saying!"

"But it seems ridiculous to run a school with a sexist principal." I mentally kicked myself. Probably wasn't a good idea to say that. But I couldn't be in the same room with Sam for years, and nod along when someone said that girls were weak and prone to fainting.

The grey eyes flashed, though nothing else in the perfectly controlled man budged an inch.

"You said your name was Fredward?"

"Yup! Freddie for short."

"Well, _Fredward, _congratulations. You've earned detention on the first day of school." He jotted down something quickly on a yellow wad of paper, tore it off, and handed it to me. "Your first class is physical education. It's right down the hall so if you take too long, I'll know you wasted time. Give the paper to the teacher and go choose your sport. This is the only day you'll be allowed to go without a school uniform. Understood?"

I nodded, mouth closed. I walked out of the office with thoughts tumbling around my head. The greatest one was, "How is this legal?" I walked to my first class, oblivious to my surroundings.

"This is P.E.," said a male voice in front. "You're gonna be in here for five hours a week for the next of your school year. Please choose which sport you want to participate in." The man was only a bit taller than I was, with a friendly face and a smile. "We have soccer, football, basketball, swimming, rock climbing, fencing, boxing, and wrestling." He eyed me quickly. "With your build, I'd recommend boxing."

"Wait-you said there was fencing?"

"Yup. Pretty popular choice, I'd say."

"I'll take that."

"Nice pick. Go right down to the end of the gym and we'll see how you do."

"Oh-I'm supposed to give you this." I handed the yellow paper over.

"Got detention on your first hour in school? Congrats."

I walked past about ten courts of different sports. It looked as if the entire school budget had been spent on top-of-the-line gym equipment and fields. At the end of the line was a neat fencing arena with hundreds of differently sized foils, sabres and épées.

"Grab one," a burly guy with a fencing outfit and a whistle barked at me. I picked up a foil and bounced it slightly, then walked over to the fencing strip.

"En garde!" The referee shouted and blew his whistle. My opponent immediately attacked, heading for my torso. I twisted slightly and parried his blow, then slid under his foil to poke him under his throat.

"Touché!" He cried. "Resume positions and continue." We sparred for five minutes without any change, but I could feel myself getting confident. I slid the hilt of the foil to his hilt, then twisted slightly. His sword flew out. He stopped, surprised, as I tapped him twice.

"Is that even legal?" The boy took off the mask, scowling, and ruffled his hair a bit.

"No rules against it, sonny," the referee shrugged. "Switch out!"

Muttering under his breath, the boy left the area and motioned for one of the others to come in.

"That was actually quite illegal," the coach said, lowering his voice. "But that kid is an insufferable brat, so I let it slide. Nice work, by the way. Disarming isn't allowed but it's hard to do."

I smiled politely, clueless as to what he meant. I think I need to study more than usual this year.

I seemed to improve with every round of fencing. My sixth rival took only a few seconds to beat. By the start of seventh match, there was a large crowd gathered around the fencing mat.

"This one's tough," the referee warned. "Try to end it quickly or he'll gain the upper hand. En garde!"

_Offense is the best defense,_ I remembered. My mom had told me that when I asked her why she was fighting against ticks before I had any.

I suddenly became aggressive, putting force behind every hit. My rival gave ground inch by inch. Then he suddenly spun the foil around and jabbed me in the side.

"Touché!"

I gritted my teeth and started swinging faster. The sword seemed to moved with a mind of its own, until I ended up prodding the stomach of my opponent.

"Touché!"

We continued sparring. A minute passed, then five, then ten.

"All right! Next one who gets a point wins!" The coach bellowed.

"Go Freddie!" A loud voice cheered. I had hoped not to hear that voice ever again.

I turned around, astounded, and my opponent used the distraction to finish me off.

"Touché!"

I threw the foil down and took off my mask to make sure I wasn't seeing wrongly. Please let it be someone else. Nope, it was the same face and the same loud voice.

"Mandy?"

"Quack!"

**A/N **

**For anyone who doesn't remember, Mandy was the obsessive fan who followed the trio all day, then signed the iCarly website over to Nevel. **

**Please tell me if you notice any grammar/spelling mistakes.**

**Did anyone understand the reference with Wyldon?**

**Thanks a ton to Tomboy 22, Julefor, LyshaLuvsSeddie, Burning Forest, seddieconnection, TonyTone, and rootierootie for reviewing! And for the story alerts!**

**PLEASE REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! You'll make my day (:**

**P.S. **

**Read this fanfic! It's really funny. **

**.net/s/7386067/1/The_bMom_b_bSpy_b_bNext_b_bDoor_b**

**Sorry, kind of long author's note. Thanks! (:**


	4. iMandy

**Freddie First-Person POV **

**Monday, Freddie's Second Day of School-Detention**

"Quack!"

" You followed me through the entire fencing class! Now this too? Please go away." I was completely spent from the hour of nonstop sparring, and it was exhausting to have to deal with Mandy as well.

"No can do, hopscotch."

"Even Sam has better nicknames than that. Anyways, why are you in the school's detention? You didn't even get in trouble!"

"I wanted to join you! So I chased the principal and offered him Fladoodles. He gave me a week of detention after the forty-sixth time he said he didn't want any."

"No speaking!" An ancient teacher croaked. "You can't socialize in detention!"

The teacher's eyelids drooped slightly as he looked around the rest of the room. All the punished students were sitting, bored, on stiff wooden chairs. The room was cramped, with only a small window at its highest corners that was behind thick glass. It looked a bit like a prison.

Mandy ignored him and continued the barrage of whispering. "You know, I'm starting to really like you again."

"Wait! No! Don't you love that band? Remember? I mean…you can't be obsessed with two things at once."

"Oh, I know. So I'll quit liking them and I'll start liking you!"

"Carly and Sam won't be happy…"

"Who cares about Carly and Sam? I'm obsessed with only Fredward Benson as of…" she checked her watch quickly, a yellow, feathered blob. "4:01! Congratulations!"

"No-but I-"

"I know, you're honored, Fredward."

"Don't call me Fredward! Only my mom calls me Fredward!"

"If you don't stop talking you'll get another detention!" The old man croaked.

"See what you did?"

"Did what, Fredward?"

"Don't call-oh, never mind. What are you doing at this school anyways?"

"I transferred here after my mom told me she thought I had a few things I needed to change personality-wise. Can't see what she means, can you?"

"Um-no. Not at all."

"All right, kiddo, you have detention for the next two days!" The cranky teacher smiled, showing a he only had a lone yellow tooth.

"A brushing a day keeps the decay away," I said under my breath.

"Make that three detentions. I like my tooth." The man's smile widened slightly.

Mandy's smile matched his. "We'll be together for another three days at least!" She whispered happily. "Isn't it great?"

"All right, my shift's up!" The old man walked out of the room and was replaced by a young female, who kept on giggling as she looked at us.

"Hi, I'm Ms. Machiavelli. Okay, sweeties, we are going to sit in a circle and tell each other why we're in detention. We can get inspired to not be stuck in this rathole anymore," she trilled. All of the students sighed and dragged their chairs around until they resembled a shaky oval.

"Let's start with you," she said, smiling at a hulking guy with a black earring.

"I said 'here' instead of 'present' at detention."

"That's not good, not good at all."

"Why would that be a problem?" I stuck in.

"Well! If you say 'here', you're showing disrespect to your teacher and to this whole grand establishment! Present is so much more dignified."

"Oh! My turn. I kind of…insulted the principal and then was forced to talk in the other detention." I glared at Mandy, who smiled.

"You're Freddie, I know. I watch iCarly all the time. That's all you did? Insulting the principal isn't as bad as, let's see, saying here instead of present. But how horrible-talking in detention. Next!"

"I threw Fladoodles at the principal," Mandy said loudly.

"I thought you said you asked him politely!" I hissed.

"Yes, but he didn't react, so in the end I just chucked them at him. Pretty good aim, I'd say," she said cheerfully.

The woman's eyes narrowed as she said, "I'll let you leave detention if you give me all your Fladoodles."

"No deal, chap. I like detention! I get to be with Fredward, it's quality time!"

"Oh, you two are a couple?" The teacher said sweetly.

"No! Not at all! No coupling for us!"

"Actually…" Mandy tilted her head. "I think that'd be a great idea! Every obsessive fangirl out there wants to date some stranger they like from TV, right? It's practically a law. And I'm sure you'd make a great boyfriend," she said, mulling it over. "It's done! I'm going to make you my boyfriend. We can go see birds together, and dress up as matching pineapples for Halloween. It'll be so romantic!"

"That's a really bad idea! Mandy, I'd make a bad boyfriend, believe me. I wouldn't buy you anything! Not even-um-Glitter Gloss!"

"Oh, it's all right. That store is too boring for me anyways. I like Wild Animals Co., so we're still perfect for each other."

"I don't want to be your boyfriend! Just leave me alone!"

"Oh, you'll come around, I'm sure of it." Mandy smiled toothily.

"Okay, kids, time's up, so you're free to go! Have fun dating!" Ms. Machiavelli called out.

"We're not dating," I muttered as we left the room.

"Oh, but you're going to," she said lightly. "Enjoy your day!"

**Day Two-Detention**

This time, we had to clean up the moldy cafeteria. I wondered if my mom still had the "Fungi Away Total Spray" she 'd bought online. Fries were scattered everywhere, and the heavy smell of grease and oil pervaded the room. I was assigned to sweeping near the dump area, surrounded by scraps of milk cartons.

Mandy followed me with a broom, poking me with it on the back and pegging me with Fladoodles. She carried a huge bag and tossed the food in clumps, but it didn't hurt. Only Sam could make food be truly painful. A smile twitched at the corners of my mouth when I remembered the many times she'd injured me using random snack bags.

"Don't you think you should save that for eating?" I asked Mandy resignedly.

"No, I like chucking them, it's fun. But I would share them with a _boyfriend. _I would do a lot of things with a _boyfriend." _

She glared at me, blaming me for my lack of cooperation in her grand plan of coupleness.

She started whistling shrilly. The noise pierced my ear and made it hard to do anything without screaming in annoyance. I tried to cover my ears and sweep at the same time, then lost my balance and fell right into Mandy.

She caught me and twisted me around slightly, crooning, "That's sweet. You've accepted our blossoming relationship. Now we can really start going out." She grinned and leaned down, getting scarily close to my face. And closer, and closer.

"Gaaaaah! Mandy, I really need to go now! Please finish sweeping!" I fled the room into the nearest bathroom, head reeling. Mandy had tried to kiss me._ Mandy had tried to kiss me._

I shuddered and rinsed my mouth over and over again, bile rising in my throat whenever I remembered how near she'd gotten. Water wasn't enough-I put liquid soap in my mouth and swished for a few minutes. Then I did my best to avoid thinking about…that. I spent at least half an hour in the bathroom, smelling of liquid soap.

I headed back to the cafeteria. "Please, let me leave early!" I begged the monitor, the same one from yesterday.

"Why? You and Amanda are getting along so well together! I saw what just happened, it was so adorable! But I don't think you're supposed to run away like that," she whispered confidentially.

All right, so obviously this woman was clueless, and I needed to get out of here before Mandy tries again to…blocking it out. Blocking it out.

"Um-that was because… I wanted our first kiss to be truly romantic!" I improvised desperately. If it would get me away from Mandy and her-facial features-I'd say anything. "I didn't want our first kiss to be in the middle of a moldy café. But…er…if I have to be around Mandy I may have a hard time…waiting until tomorrow. Tomorrow I can make it really beautiful. So I think you should let me leave."

"Aww, what a sweetheart! I'll tell you what!" Her eyes glinted. "If you wear a suit tomorrow and bring her flowers, right before you two kiss, I'll let you skip detention for the next few days."

"I don't think that's a good idea, at all."

"If you don't, I'll have to tell you that leaving detention for half an hour like you did today, earns you a week more of detentions. Two weeks straight would go on your permanent record. So I'm afraid you'll have to do what I'm suggesting."

I've been getting A+'s for years already and I pride in having a squeaky-clean record. I wouldn't let this maniac ruin it for me. And another week's worth of detention would mean even more time with Mandy.

"Fine, I'll put on a monkey suit."

"Perfect! FYI, I think she likes sunflowers. Matches her duck getups," she winked.

"Yeah, I'll think about it. Bye!" I sped out of the room, avoiding Mandy's waves. I ran to my house and locked the door to my room. Fantastic. Now instead of kissing Mandy today, I'd do it tomorrow. In a tie. I sighed and began searching my closet.

I tried on a standard black suit with a yellow tie. Surprisingly enough, it looked great. _I'd give Shane a run for his money, _I thought, remembering the techie who Sam and Carly had been obsessed with.

I had a sudden urge to talk to Sam. I mean-Carly. Maybe they were online? I sat and quickly went to Skype. _Sam-I-Ham _and _CarlyChic _were both logged on.

"Hey, Sam. Hey, Carly." Of course they were together, sitting in the iCarly studio, each on a beanbag and a laptop.

"Hey, Freddie," Carly said happily.

"Freddiloser!" Sam screeched, breaking into a huge smile. "Hey, new nickname! Like it? Guess you don't. Oh well." She started bouncing on the spot, then seemed to remember she wasn't supposed to sound excited and sat back down.

"Hola! I need to show you something, be right back." I headed to the kitchen and opened the fridge. "Bolivian bacon! I found a bag near the Canadian border. But you have to share with Carly," I shouted and headed back to my room.

"Bolivian bacon? Heaven on earth. You shouldn't have. But I'm going to eat it all of it anyways! Carly, you understand, right? Mama wants her snack." I heard Sam say in satisfaction. Then I walked into the room, a bit far away from the camera.

I immediately noticed that Sam started gaping, eyes huge, mouth forming a perfect O in shock.

"What are you wearing?" Her voice sounded strangled.

"Oh right." I'd forgotten I was still in the suit.

"The thing is, Mandy goes to the same school I do."

"Mandy?" Carly repeated. "Like, the insane one who stalked us?"

"I don't care about that!" Sam shouted. "Why are you in a… tux?"

"I'm getting there! So anyways, Mandy followed me around for the past few days and decided I was her new obsession. She wanted me to be her boyfriend."

"What a confused girl," Sam said, though she didn't sound the slightest bit amused.

"Then in detention she-"

"Hold on a sec. _You, _Fredward Benson, got _detention?" _ Sam looked even more surprised than she had with the suit. "Like actual, stay after school _detention?_ Congrats! I guess I taught you something."

"Yeah, okay. Anyways, in the third detention, she tried to..well..she tried to..."

"Spit it out." Sam said impatiently.

"Mandy tried to-to kiss me."

Now she looked absolutely furious. She picked up a metal crowbar we'd used in an iCarly skit a bit ago and slowly bent it, not noticing what she was doing. It ended up in a pretzel. She looked at her hands and said flatly, "Oops."

"So I ran away and washed my mouth out for half an hour. Then I asked Ms. Machiavelli-the teacher- to let me leave and made up some chizz about wanting the kiss to be more romantic."

Sam had visibly relaxed when I mentioned I'd ran away from the kiss. She was back to staring at me, still in disbelief over the suit. "Detention _and _lying! I've created a mini-me!" She said, sounding proud.

"She believed me, but said that if I didn't show up to school tomorrow with flowers and a tuxedo for Mandy, she'd put something on my permanent record."

"That's not good," Carly said, sounding worried.

"No, really?" Sam muttered.

"Wait, does your mom know you had so many detentions?"

"I told her I had fencing practice after classes. If I mentioned detention, she'd go after the school with a hockey stick and yell at the faculty to leave her perfect baby alone. But why are you two so surprised to see me in a suit?"

"Oh, we've seen you in one before. For the iCarly awards and whatnot. It's just that…" Carly trailed off.

"You look a bit…" Sam didn't finish either. Then they both noticed I was smirking at their reactions.

"I should call you FreddieBigHead from now on." Sam mumbled, her cheeks red.

"That _was_ pretty conceited," Carly commented. She didn't look half as embarrassed as Sam.

"Yeah, yeah. The fencing classes must be paying off." I explained. I glanced at Sam quickly. She was still glaring at the ground embarrassedly.

"We need to go rehearse for iCarly with Brad," Sam mumbled.

"Oh right. How's Brad doing?"

"He's nubbier than you ever were," Sam told me, quickly regaining her confidence.

"He wanted us to do math problems on the show. It's so stupid it's not even funny," Carly shuddered. "But he's the only guy we have!" She said, turning to Sam. "You can't just yell at him to chizz off! You need to apologize when he comes over."

"I don't do apologies, ever, you know that. And he should be apologizing to us! Really? Random math problems? You need to tell him to just shut up for the show." Sam countered.

I smiled. It was nice to know I hadn't been completely replaced.

"Well, caio chicas!"

"See ya, Fredfurd. Have fun with _Mandy._" Sam snickered.

In-I checked my watch-exactly 15 hours, I would be forced to kiss Mandy Valdez. This'd be a long day.

**A/N**

**Thank you so much to all the reviewers! Alex02, tomboy22, tonytone, 22 random ninja 22, lyshaluvsSeddie, Julefor, burning forest, and seddieconnection for the reviews! They made me really happy **

**I hope you like the chapter…it was kind of rambling, but oh well. Tell me what you think, and criticize! **

**I've been happy all week because of iCan't Take It-before I thought Sam and Freddie would break up at the end of the iOMG arc but Sam practically said she loved him. They can't break up after that! EEEEEEEEEEEE**

**REVIEW! And Story alert. Pretty please.**


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